Dear... my whole day has never been this bad!
At first, I was watching the repeat of MJ's trailer and started dancing to it and screaming helplessly. I thought I had some energy since I seemed to be so alive while viewing the trailer again, so I listened to my MP3 and tried to start dancing. But it didn't work. I don't know what it was, maybe the sadness or the clothing I was in... So I decided to listen to his music while walking around my home.
Then I was watching Access Hollywood and they were talking about his movie and the VMAs tribute and that got me all emotional so I got goose bumps and then started crying. Somewhere near the end of the show, La Toya Jackson spoke about the day she ound out he was dead and how they kind of got her hopes up when she asked them "Is Michael dead?" and they said "No.", it even got my hopes up even though knowing that she was just saying what happened. I stopped crying when she said that the doctors said "no". But then she said she got into his room and everyone were sobbing and screaming at the top of their lungs and she just let herself go and yell and cry... That's when I started screaming and crying even more. I was speaking out loud and asking MJ for forgiveness for not always being there. Madonna's words really triggered me "When I heard that he died, right away I thought I abandoned him. We abandoned him,"...
The sobbing continued for maybe 2 hours. And then my head started hurting and I calmed down a little and just left the lava burning in my head instead. My best friend later called me and we had a few good conversations and then we just started watching our shows (One Tree Hill and Gossip Girl).
After that, my mom returned with the laptop which I didn't have throughout the day and I decided to go on. I opened the main internet page (MSN.ca) and it said "Patrick Swayze Dead at 57". "Oh Sh*t!" I said to myself, "not now". I found out about his cancer somewhere during the summer and was really upset by it but was happy to see how strong his wife and him seemed to be. Later they mentioned that he was stronger... And so I remember a month ago, there was a Q "Who do you think will die next?" and I said "I hope that it's not Patrick Swayze, but they're saying he's feeling better".. and look what just happened! I wish I never knew :( But they said he died peacefully with his family by him. He was a great actor, I'll say. It's really sad.
Yes, many of the celbrities have been dying lately. Who's next...? I don't even want to guess, see what happened? I'm not blaming myself entirely though. It's life. So, today has really been one of the worst days, it was all pain and hurt and anger and crying and sobbing and screaming and kicking for me. But I had a few good laughs, too.
I'm definitely voting NO to 2009. I don't like this year.